Feeling of Rejection

As human beings we have a strong need to feel secure. But after you’ve been rejected your sense of security is threatened, you may feel abandoned, scared and / or hopeless.

It’s no wonder that these feelings can so often lead to insecurity. You may be wondering when the next 'blow' with bad news and painful emotions will come and from which direction.

Rejection knows no bounds, invading social, romantic and job situations alike. And it feels terrible because "it communicates the sense to somebody that they're not loved or not wanted, or not in some way valued," explains Geraldine Downey, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Columbia University whose research is focused on rejection.

It's important that you don’t start to worry about feeling 'fragile' as well - under the circumstances it's normal to feel vulnerable. And that sense of impending doom will eventually disappear.

Criticism and rejection are very much part of life - everyone gets criticised and rejected!

But..., just in case it has happened once too often, you may want to have a look at my relationship test. It can help you to judge whether or not it is time to leave or what you can do to improve it.

The Science Behind the Hurt

The human experience of rejection goes back to our ancient roots, says Winch, who is the author of "Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies For Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injures" (Hudson Street Press, 2013). He has a chapter in his book dedicated specifically to rejection.

"When we were hunter-gatherers and living in tribes, the price of ostracism was pretty much death," Winch tells HuffPost. "You wouldn't survive without your tribe; you wouldn't have the warmth of hearth, the protection of fire." Therefore, he explains, we developed an early warning system -- the feeling of rejection -- to alert us when we might be at risk for ostracism. The more painful the experience of rejection, the more likely humans were to change their behavior to avoid ostracism, and be able to survive and pass on their genes. Meanwhile, "those who didn't experience [rejection] as painful were less likely to correct [their] behavior and pass along their genes."

And then there's the fact that humans are social animals -- which makes rejection all the more emotionally painful.